I'm bored.
Do you ever hear these words from your children: “I’m bored” or “This is boring.” What is your response? Are you the fun Mom who obliterates dull days with all things fun? That may sound good but I’m hoping today I can challenge you to be something even better!
There is a prevalent ideology today in many circles involving children, albeit parenting or education, that says that everything has to be fun. In fact, in 2016 Harvard University developed the Pedagogy of Play, a project to help schools utilize playful learning in education. This project is meant to make fun the framework for learning. I find this to be a low standard. As a middle school principal and teacher, I understand the premise behind this thinking. I also understand the fallacy of it. I get that when things are fun, they seem easier because we want to do them. So why shouldn't we make everything we do fun?
Can I answer that question with another question? Is everything you do in your daily life fun? Is taking out the garbage fun? Is exercise always fun? Is your job always fun? Is every minute you spend with your spouse fun? If you’re honest, the answer to that is no. Why then would we want to set our children up for a false idea that everything in life has to entertain us? Are we helping children by the perspective that education should amuse them or that they have to feel excited to be engaged by it? As an educator I can say that too much emphasis on fun learning or an always-entertaining home life is a slippery slope. These environments are not producing children with an appetite for learning as much as they are creating distracted, uninterested students.
*Disclaimer: I am a super fun person. You want to hang out with me! I am not boring at all. Believe me, I know how to have fun! But now that I’ve made myself clear, can I get to my point?
Fun is not the answer to being bored. Purpose is.
Everything is not fun but everything has a purpose.
In my classroom, everything we do would not qualify as fun but everything has a purpose and I make sure my students know it. Doing homework helps to prepare you to move forward the next day. Correcting mistakes helps you learn from them. Following the directions ensures that you complete all that is required correctly, without missing anything. And these are just the obvious reasons. There are hidden, character building reasons for those things too. There is a steadfastness that comes in doing homework and responsibility in turning work in on time. Paying attention to details develops excellence. Careful work creates ownership. I honestly do not think that my students are having fun in all of these things nor do I care. I’m not their entertainment director. I want so much more for them than that.
What I am passionate about is the deeper work of helping children build their lives by developing their character. So I point them to purpose. Isn’t God amazing? By putting purpose into our existence, He set up everyone and everything to benefit. A person in their purpose can find joy as they grow and as they serve others in it. Fun doesn’t even begin to compare to purpose. Fun is a feeling based on the external. But in purpose, outcome is replaced by identity as we are focused more on who we were made to be and less on what we do. We are champions and overcomers. We can BE that in whatever we do!
Colossians 3:23 says “Whatever you do, do it heartily as unto the Lord.” This makes purpose applicable to whatever. We can give our children the picture of what their purpose is and get them excited about putting their whole heart into anything and everything. Literally everything. It eliminates their need to be entertained and replaces it with an internal drive to win. A person can win no matter what is happening externally when their attitude is set on purpose and growth. THAT should be the framework for all that we do.
This perspective as a parent requires looking past immediate or external responses and trusting in the patient work of growth. In the moment, the meaning for something may be hidden behind the veil of tedium. Parents, please fight the urge to relieve laborious requirements given by teachers or leaders. It can be so easy to allow them to skip over things or tap out early, especially if we don’t see the reason behind doing them yet. But some things, usually the really good things, only pay off after a long obedience in the same direction. Nothing proves that better than what Jesus did for us. With all the power and the free will to choose it, He skipped nothing. For the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross and said, it is finished. We, you and me, were the cause of that joy and our salvation was His purpose.
Forget fun as a motive and promote purpose in your children. How, you may ask? It starts by changing perspective. And it would be good to examine the environment your family lives in. Is external stimulation and entertainment too prevalent in your world. Here’s a practical example: Do your kids have to have a device to ride in a car? It really is ok to let your child look out the window and take in some scenery without you feeling the need to provide them with entertainment. You can have a conversation with them. Or, because the need for quiet is a real thing for parents, you can have them practice that for a while! Self-control, self-thought, prayer, can all be fostered in quiet. Quiet is essential to life, but do we allow our children to ever experience it or even value it? Does the thought of that seem mean to you? Don’t believe that lie. Fight your Mom guilt and allow situations like these to have their perfect work in your children. Allow dull tasks to drive them to diligence. Don’t rescue them from the mundane with a video game. Give them opportunity in it to find their own creativity and watch it blossom in those moments. Don’t cut short the long work of building their lives.
Hey fun Mom! By all means, have fun! Have ice cream for breakfast. Surprise your children with movie night or a trip somewhere. I’m all for it because there is a purpose in it- relationship! Enjoying your family and the life God has given you is such a gift. Live it up! But don't stop there. Be more than the fun Mom. Be the Mom of purpose. Cast vision for internal growth with your children. Raise them to look for identity moments and to want to be developed by whatever comes their way. Becoming who we were made to be is our purpose in life and that isn’t boring at all.
”To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV).
