Making Boxes
I am not a perfectionist.
I have friends who are and we discuss this quite often. They are fighting the need to check boxes and have flawless outcomes. They struggle with their motives and their self worth and their failures. These two friends are firstborns. Maybe that is why they feel such a need to please with their performances. I am the baby of the family. Third in line. I have no illusions of perfectionism. But I have discovered that I too have a struggle within.
I have no desire to check boxes because- I am making them.
As I look back over my life, I can see that my philosophy has been more like, if I build it, God will come. Who can relate? Are there any box makers out there? Maybe you think things like, if I stay committed, my marriage will work. Or If I teach my children right, they will want to serve Jesus. I’ll draw the box the way I’m supposed to draw it, and God will tick it with a holy checkmark for me. Now, don’t be confused. Commitment and Christian parenting are good and right. But, here’s the thing. Those are conditional statements, dependent on your behavior, not on faith in God.
Even though I drew them, whole-heartedly and with faith, God didn’t tick MY boxes. I waited and waited for the 🗹 to come. When it didn’t come, I read James Chapter 1 and encouraged myself to be “unwavering in my faith”. A double minded man should expect nothing from his prayers, right? More waiting. More praying. I could quote to you every verse about faith from these years of “waiting on God.” And yet I still had a lot of empty boxes that I had drawn.
No check.
If you re-read that paragraph above, it sure sounds like I did everything right according to sound principles about prayer and faith. And I am NOT trying to take away from those things at all. We are supposed to pray. We are supposed to believe that God has good things for us. We can joyfully expect them every day! I’m just trying to connect to some box-makers in the audience today. While my perfectionist friends were thinking that when God gives them a box, they could check it with their perfect performance and earn His approval, I knew that wasn’t true. But I was thinking that if I drew the box the way I thought God would like it, I would get His approval with the appropriate check. Both of these mindsets, perfect checks or perfect boxes, are wrong.
How could I not see that there isn’t real faith or trust in setting God up with a box to check. Of course my boxes were empty because I wasn’t believing God for anything, outside of my own small, controlled outcomes. And He loves faith and isn’t into small.
Thankfully, God is merciful and He understands how we get off track with our twisted thinking. My heart really wanted to know God, He helped me to see it differently and to change the way I think. I love that so much about God. Life is a progression, a growing and developing story that we write with Him, and He is ever faithful.
When the Bible says that God is our rock and our anchor, those are great hints for us boxmakers. What is really at the end of our hope-rope? We may think that our hopes are in Him. They look righteous. But it may be that the rock under your feet is really self effort, outside of His authority. You may have your own outcome as the anchor and if so, it won’t hold.
My hope is now in Jesus alone and the outcome is what He desires. Please don’t think though, that I’m saying to stop praying for specific things. Au contraire! When your faith is in the limitless God of the universe, you can pray prayers you never thought you could before. My self made boxes were so small. They depended on my behaviors and how “hard” I prayed and were drawn according to my tunnel vision. You can’t believe big when you are attached to the result somehow. But now, because with God, all things are possible, I am praying big prayers and my faith has never been stronger. I’m not living for outcomes. I’m not waiting for check marks. I’m becoming that woman of faith and purpose that God made me to be. I can look ahead to what is coming with hope, but also live with joy to make today and every day count.
Did you ever find yourself hoping for things to happen so you will finally be happy? Are you living burdened and under a weight that you are waiting for God to lift? That sounds like a box to me. Let go of your self efforts and your self made plans.
No more boxes! Break out and climb up higher than you ever could before.
“From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2 NKJV).
